Ask Dr. Sherry: “Pursuing A Relationship With A Man In Prison But Is He Using Me?”

“I’m Pursuing A Relationship With A Man In Prison But Is He Using Me?”

BY: DR. SHERRY

You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the
Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in
her chair…

Hello Dr. Sherry,

I am more confused now than ever and I could really use your help.
I am a single mother of three, who has been single for two years now. Back in
February, I recently met this guy who is in prison. We were pen pals for a while
and eventually, we started seeing each other. He asked me to be his girlfriend and
he told me he wants to take things slow. I recently met his family who loves me
and they invited me over with my kids because they want to meet them as well. I
bought him a phone and take food for him once a week when I go visit because
he is in the same town as me. He talks to my kids and wants to meet them as well.
We even made a joint Facebook account together.

My question is how do I know if he is just talking game and not using me because
he’s lonely or looks forward to the food I take him on Sundays? We talk on the
daily basis, in fact, the other day his sister and I visited him together and it was
great. He gets out in December and I am looking forward to it but I am unsure if I
am making the right choice–especially with my children involved. 

Please help me because I just want to know if I am I wasting my time!

Hey sis,
I can understand why you may have been confused initially but I don’t understand why
you remain confused. Your confusion comes from the mixed messages that your
boyfriend sent about taking it slow but soon afterward you are meeting and having
dinner with his family and exposing your children to him and his family. That is in
addition to visiting him weekly with dinner, buying him a cell phone, and having a joint
Facebook account together. So much for taking it slow! If this is slow, I would hate to
see what fast looks like! Let’s not forget that this man is directing all of this from prison.
It is interesting that you are questioning if he is “just talking game” after doing all you
have done. It is very easy for people to talk game in prison. I am sure he has told you
how great and wonderful you are and how he wants a future with you. If you are
emotionally needy, it is easy to believe what you are being told. This man is getting all
his needs meet and has his family involved with you to monitor things with you that he
can’t from prison. The question is not really about him but more about you. Why are you
attracted to a man who is not physically available to you and may not really be
emotionally available? What are your needs and are they getting meet? I recommend
that you seek individual therapy to take a hard look at why have you fallen for this guy
and allowed your children to be exposed. It is one thing to expose yourself to the
unknown with someone in prison but it is another thing to expose your children. The
reality of this guy getting out of prison in December is beginning to sink in. This is the
time, to be honest with yourself and take control of your life. You have a right to choose
and do not have to be the chosen one. –Dr. Sherry

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