SHOULD SHE TRUST HER HEART OR HER MIND? DR. SHERRY WEIGHS IN!
BY: DR. SHERRY
You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single
Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the
Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in
her chair…
Dr. Sherry, I have a situation that I would like to run by you. My ex-boyfriend is in
prison, we recently got back in contact with each other and now he is talking
about marrying me and having a kid with me. Before he was ever in prison he still
mentioned marriage and kids, and we have been off and on since I was 14 years
old. I am 21 now, and he will be getting out of prison in five months.
I do love him and I do want to be with him, but I want to be sure that he wants to
be with me too. His mother recently got in contact with me and told me that he
used to talk about me all of the time. She also said he told his entire family about
me way before he ever went to prison, For the past six years now, we have had
complications being together because he’s always been put in situations where
we aren’t able to talk on the phone, whether he was in jail, he didn’t have a cell
phone, or we just decided to take a break from each other. But, it always seems
like we find each other and get back together. How can I be sure that I’m making
the right decision in being with him?
Dear Sis,
Remember, there is a reason that your ex-boyfriend is your “ex”! Just because your ex
is in prison and wants to be with you doesn’t mean you have to decide to be with him.
Yes, I read that you love him and want to be with him. But my question is how do you
love and want to be with someone you really don’t know. You have known him since
you were 14 years old and you are currently 21 years old. That is seven years and he
has been in prison the last six years. He has not been available to you physically and
emotionally. So again, do you know this man? You only know an ex who is trying hard
to make sure he has someone to help take care of him and a place to live once he is
released from prison. This is called security and that is one of the main things you
represent to him. What does he have to offer you other than being a sperm donor? A
relationship, especially a marriage, is more than just words. Love and words will not pay
one bill or buy food or anything else. Your ex may be a nice guy but he needs to get his
life together without depending on you. You can’t get to know him until you know who
you really are. It does not seem as if you have had a chance to know yourself and to
figure out what your needs and wants are in life. At age 21, you owe it to yourself to live
and enjoy life and achieve some of your dreams without being committed to a man that
you really don’t know. If it is really love between the two of you, it will be there and there
is no rush to marry and have a baby. Neither is there a reason to be in a relationship
with him before you take time to know yourself. You must believe in yourself enough to
work and go for your dreams. Life is too short to settle and accept less than what you
truly want. — Dr. Sherry